HIGHS & HEARTBREAK
OF LOYOLA SOCCER
Loyola High School, Los Angeles, California
2021
The following images are from my time spent documenting Nate Smith-Hastie, my youngest brother, during his final year playing soccer for our beloved Loyola High School. This milestone marked the end of me and my two younger brothers’ collective twelve years in the program. To commemorate this achievement and show my deep appreciation for this team, I decided to document my brother on and off the field for his final season. I felt an immense privilege to capture these moments and am even more grateful for his trust in showing them.
Five years earlier, I was in his exact shoes and went through a season that changed my life and love for this team forever. There is just something special about Loyola soccer. Something that cannot truly be put into words nor understood if you have not lived through it. I know the special Loyola feeling, my family knows it, and it is one that never leaves.
To now be a fly on the wall in the huddles and on the sidelines was an unfamiliar, slightly uncomfortable position for me to be in. However, it was a position that quickly became freeing and inspiring. I was so proud to see him out there doing our family name more than justice.
The captain’s armband is a cherished symbol of leadership, responsibility, and trust and he respected and deserved every moment with it on. With the weight of a strong familial legacy on his shoulders, Nate took this season in his stride. Not only did he lead his team on field, but deep within himself embodied what it means to wear the Loyola jersey on your back. His season kicked off in the way we all dreamed of; Goals, goose-bump delivering celebrations, and everything in between. Many players go through this program but only a lucky few have been able to leave the field with a final championship win. I was lucky enough to do so and truly wanted nothing more than for him to achieve the same. The fairytale ending was within his grasp. I couldn’t believe that he was in the position to do exactly what I dreamed of him doing for his last season of competitive soccer, but as with all things in life, there are highs and there are lows. Sometimes fate fails us and what feels so destined to happen, somehow slips away. Battling a severely injured ankle, Nate gave everything he had. He pushed himself further and harder than many would say was smart.
Why?
He knows that special feeling.
Unfortunately, his fairytale season concluded in heartbreak. It was gut-wrenching to see him go through such a painful defeat. I wanted it for him just as badly as he wanted it himself. Seeing his physically and emotionally beaten down body hit the floor at the final whistle struck a chord in me that I wish no brother to feel.
Dramatic for a ‘high school sport’? You may think. Yet, without a sliver of doubt in my mind I know this to be one of the most formative moments of our lives. The emotions in him on that field portray exactly what it means to us. He gave all of himself and for that I couldn’t be more proud of my brother. Life may throw heartbreak at you for reasons that may never make sense, but I have come to understand you will always come out the other side stronger.
It was a unique challenge for me to play the role of bystander while being so physically and emotionally connected to what my brother was experiencing. I am forever grateful to have been allowed into his sacred space this season and to share moments where I wasn’t certain I wanted to continue firing the shutter.
You achieved everything.
Thank you Nate.
